”Thank you for your book, In Sheep's Clothing. My husband and I saw several counselors to help us through the problems we were having with my mother-in- law. In Sheep's Clothing book. Read reviews from the world's largest community for readers. This book clearly illustrates the true nature of disturbed ch. In Sheep's Clothing is Dr. Simon's first book and has enjoyed unprecedented bestseller status for almost 14 years. Readily available at local bookstores, libraries.
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In Sheep's Clothing by George K Simon, , available at Book Depository with free delivery worldwide. I came across 'In Sheep's Clothing' when I was reading an article online, my I knew I was meant to read this book because of the subject on. ”Thank you for your book, In Sheep's Clothing. My husband and I saw several counselors to help us through the problems we were having with.
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In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
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It confirmed some things and clarified some of my confusion. Great psychological book written in laymens terms on disordered character people that we come across in our everyday life and personal relationships.
A must read … Show more Show less. A part of the book confirmed what I already knew. And the other part opened my eyes really! Very well written … Show more Show less. How to write a great review Do Say what you liked best and least Describe the author's style Explain the rating you gave Don't Use rude and profane language Include any personal information Mention spoilers or the book's price Recap the plot.
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Bestselling Series. Harry Potter. Popular Features. New Releases. In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Description Dr. George Simon knows how people push your buttons. Your children--especially teens--are expert at it, as is your mate. A co-worker may quietly undermine your efforts while professing to be helpful, or your boss may prey on your weaknesses. Manipulative people have two goals: Often those they abuse are only vaguely aware of what is happening to them.
In this eye-opening book, you'll also discover Back cover copy Every now and then, a teaching tool comes along that really makes a difference. This is one! This technique should be a primary tool for all serious painters. The masterful illustrations of these basic principles of color, perspective and everything fundamental to understanding a 3-dimensional world within a 2-dimensional plane is illustrated so clearly that, especially for those among us who are primarily visual learners, the lessons connect.
They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive.
These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run. All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit.
Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: Besides, sometimes we're unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities.
Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited. What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we've been taught to believe about human nature.
We've been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or "hung-up. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others.
We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We're more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator's character. Almost everyone is familiar with the term defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are the "automatic" i. While, from a certain perspective we might say someone engaging in these behaviors is defending their ego from any sense of shame or guilt, it's important to realize that at the time the aggressor is exhibiting these behaviors, he is not primarily defending i.
Seeing the aggressor as on the defensive in any sense is a set-up for victimization. Recognizing that they're primarily on the offensive, mentally prepares a person for the decisive action they need to take in order to avoid being run over. Therefore, I think it's best to conceptualize many of the mental behaviors no matter how "automatic" or "unconscious" they may appear we often think of as defense mechanisms, as offensive power tactics, because aggressive personalities employ them primarily to manipulate, control and achieve dominance over others.
Rather than trying to prevent something emotionally painful or dreadful from happening, anyone using these tactics is primarily trying to ensure that something they want to happen does indeed happen…. Denial — This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have.
It's a way they lie to themselves as well as to others about their aggressive intentions. This "Who Rationalization — A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior.
It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It's a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what he wants to do quieting any qualms of conscience he might have but also to keep others off his back.
If the aggressor can convince you he's justified in whatever he's doing, then he's freer to pursue his goals without interference…. Lying — It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. But there are also times when you don't know you've been deceived until it's too late.
One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that because aggressive personalities of all types will generally stop at nothing to get what they want, you can expect them to lie and cheat. Another thing to remember is that manipulators — covert-aggressive personalities that they are — are prone to lie in subtle, covert ways. Courts are well aware of the many ways that people lie, as they require that court oaths charge that testifiers tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
They are adept at being vague when you ask them direct questions. This is an especially slick way of lying' omission. Keep this in mind when dealing with a suspected wolf in sheep's clothing. Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information. Covert Intimidation — Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled subtle, indirect or implied threats.
Guilt-tripping and shaming are two of the covert-aggressive's favourite weapons. Both are special intimidation tactics.
Guilt-tripping — One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon. Aggressive personalities of all types use guilt-tripping so frequently and effectively as a manipulative tactic, that I believe it illustrates how fundamentally different in character they are compared to other especially neurotic personalities.
All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don't care enough, are too selfish, etc. On the contrary, a conscientious person might try until they're blue in the face to get a manipulator or any other aggressive personality to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, to absolutely no avail.
Shaming — This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It's an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.
Playing the Victim Role — This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another.
One thing that covert-aggressive personalities count on is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can't stand to see anyone suffering.
Therefore, the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you're suffering in some way, and they'll try to relieve your distress….
Vilifying the Victim — This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding i. It enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defensive…. Playing the Servant Role — Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause.
It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others…. Projecting the blame blaming others — Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior.
Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they're expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways. Minimization — This tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization.
When using this maneuver, the aggressor is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain. I've presented the principal tactics that covert-aggressives use to manipulate and control others. They are not always easy to recognize. Although all aggressive personalities tend to use these tactics, covert-aggressives generally use them slickly, subtly and adeptly.
Anyone dealing with a covertly aggressive person will need to heighten gut-level sensitivity to the use of these tactics if they're to avoid being taken in by them. So, this is what I want to say right now before the whole Manny psycho-analysing goodreads friends starts. Seduction — Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses.
View all 23 comments. If there is a manipulative person in your life, you don't need to read things about how they got that way and feel all sorry for them. That's for later. If you are dealing with a manipulative person, you need to read this book. It's about how ro deal with manipulative people and reclaim your life.
Having said that, I hope you don't need to read this book. Re-reading parts again. Nov 11, Kenny rated it it was ok.
A fine introduction for first-time seekers of knowledge on the subject.
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But like so many books of this self-help type, the bulk of material is dedicated to case studies. While it is necessary to get some background on why wolves are wolves and how they employ psychic trickery to manipulate, it seems to me that by the time a person is reading books on the subject they have been afflicted enough such that being introduced to more nut-bags becomes a miserable, disheartening experience.
What victims A fine introduction for first-time seekers of knowledge on the subject. This book does give some good basic guidelines of how to recognize and draw boundaries with agressors but unfortunately does little to instruct on how to prevent and diffuse covert agressors specifically. There is even some warm fuzzy summation of a case giving the reader a sense of resolve that is not only unrealistic, fantasy, wishful thinking, but contradictory to the author's own previous statements about agressors not changing.
Covert agressors are those that operatete in the shadows, but this case says that the victim was able to draw the fighting out into the open. This may be possible in the case of a child-parent relationship, but does not help me with my boss.
View all 4 comments. Nov 08, Aliya rated it really liked it. Blind spots are the human limitations of the intelligent mind. Too often we think we are too smart, too accomplished and too reasonable to put up with any nonsense from anyone. Well, we eat humble pie when we find ourselves to be in situations where people use us, abuse us and generally make us feel bitter and resentful.
This book puts in perspective situations where we may be subject to manipulation, without us realizing the full extent of our loss. It also gives us tips to deal with such situat Blind spots are the human limitations of the intelligent mind. It also gives us tips to deal with such situations. As with most self help books, this book highlights manipulation strategies quite well, however, it falls a tad short in offering practical solutions.
I think if the author had shown what to do through a play and replay of dialogue with suggested changes , it would have been exceedingly helpful. At the end of the day, this is a good book to read and I recommend it for people to gain a clear perspective of their situation and how to remedy it.
May 28, Haengbok92 rated it really liked it Shelves: This was recommended to me by a friend who is going through a very messy divorce. I found the book to be quite interesting in helping one learn how to identify and deal with manipulative people. Especially in regards to viewing manipulation as a form of aggression as opposed to neurotic self protection.
Truthfully, it seems that with the exception of manipulative children that the best solution to the people profiled is "run away! Also excellent advice on setting boundaries and also on how to keep yourself from being manipulated.
I also liked the book's comparison of self esteem vs. While I found the book to be helpful, I also think it runs the risk of creating a dichotomy between character disturbed and neurotic that does not seem to allow for any ground for a healthy psyche.
This is something to be aware of when reading. Overall, I think the techniques and examples in the book, as well as the approaches to setting boundaries are excellent, especially for people who are in the grips of being manipulated and who need verification of their own worth as well as techniques for protecting themselves against these types of manipulations.
While I'm not sure I agree with the author's overall viewpoints in the last chapter, the book is well worth reading. Lots of useful advice! Jan 04, Saurabh rated it really liked it Shelves: What is I liked about the book: The model of manipulative behaviour is simple yet effective.
I wonder if there are better ones available. Attempts to show how covert-aggression is a distinctive feature of manipulation. The stories and clinical accounts to illustrate the tactics. Helps one identify those tactics, generate aw What is I liked about the book: I found the treatment to be fair and balanced.
What I think lacked in the book: Some of the definitions were a bit muddy. The author is a clinical psychologist. He draws upon his experiences in practice to explain why some people are manipulative, how covert-aggression translates into manipulation, how people misread the signals, what can be done cannot be done to deal with such behaviour.
Some of the observations are extremely insightful and useful. The mildly curious should read the book. It should be kept in mind that this was first published in , therefore, one can hope to find information elsewhere that is grounded in recent research. Nov 13, Dean rated it it was amazing.
We live in dangerous times, and I mean it!!! What I want to say is that regardless our technological progress, the human condition hasn't change for the best.. I know very well what it means to be victimize by manipulative people; And how passive and covert aggression are causing havoc by disrupted characters.
Disrupted characters is like a disease, the new plague in our society with epidemic size!!! So, for me this book is a timely help providing much needed insight.. We live in a competitive world, We live in dangerous times, and I mean it!!!
We live in a competitive world, the struggle and the fight to win is overwhelming.. If you are not able to discern the characters from people you are working with, then you are prone to be victimize by the aggressors covert and passive attacks!!! I consider George R. Simon jr. This book demasks, and efficiently shows the real wolfs under the sheep clothing. Again, let me say it.. They never fight openly, its dirty fighting, covert and passive..
But very effective and poignant!!! A very good book, with much practical help. I've learned a lot, only I wish that I had read it years ago!!! Full recommendation to all my goodreads friends, and to all the neurotics which still functions in our sick society!!!! An interesting book.
The biggest takeaway, for me, is that the belief that most people think the same way, and want to do the right thing, is fundamentally flawed. I grew up being told to see the good in everyone, which has occasionally cost me. Some people really don't feel guilt or shame in the same way, and to see this confirmed in black and white has made me realise how naive I have been and how badly I was taught! A worthwhile read. I also particularly liked the concept of building self-r An interesting book.
I also particularly liked the concept of building self-respect in children by praising their efforts, rather than inflating their self-esteem and neglecting their self-respect , by praising qualities they have no specific control over looks, intelligence, etc. The advice in the last chapter on how to manage your own behaviour is a succinct and useful summary of how to be more direct and assertive and I think it runs beyond just dealing with manipulative people and is actually a good approach to healthier relationships with everyone.
Mar 14, Allie rated it it was amazing Shelves: Highly recommend. I listened to this, trying to figure out how to deal with a specific person in my life, but I gained much more insight than anticipated.
Well done! I'd like to thank my local traffic for being so horrendous that I finished this in two days. Nov 22, Amy Raby rated it really liked it. Worth reading if you deal with a manipulative person in your family, workplace, or social circle. And who doesn't? These people are everywhere. If you've read about sociopaths, you already know about the extreme character-disordered personality who has no conscience at Worth reading if you deal with a manipulative person in your family, workplace, or social circle.
If you've read about sociopaths, you already know about the extreme character-disordered personality who has no conscience at all. But this book talks also about people who are not that extreme, who do possess a conscience and can experience guilt and shame, but much less so than people who fall toward the neurotic end of the scale. Neurotic personalities are the backbone of society, and character-disordered individuals often seek to take advantage of them and get something for nothing.
This book is about a particular type of advantage seeking, "covert aggression" -- people who manipulate others, usually by preying on their sense of conscience, to get what they want.
One clear theme of the book is that we need to stop making excuses for people who manipulate others. It's common to hear statements like, "He acts this way because he has low self-esteem" or "She lashes out because she feels threatened. The manipulator is fighting for something he or she wants, often dominance or a one-up position over others.
And it's not unconscious. The manipulator knows exactly what he or she is doing.Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information. So instead, since their brains don't reward them the usual way, they tend to focus more on trying to win, to control, and to be in power in every situation. It should be kept in mind that this was first published in , therefore, one can hope to find information elsewhere that is grounded in recent research.
In Sheep's Clothing : Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
But to be honest, I think the only truly effective way of dealing with these people is to be more aware of their tactics so you can recognize it for what it is which this book is helpful in doing and then, if at all possible, to run!!
This tendency can be easily exploited by manipulators, who can offer you simple platitudes while treating you poorly at the same time.
Donec scelerisque, urna id tincidunt ultrices, nisi nisl lacinia mi, at pellentesque enim mi eu felis. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled subtle, indirect or implied threats.
There is even some warm fuzzy summation of a case giving the reader a sense of resolve that is not only unrealistic, fantasy, wishful thinking, but contradictory to the author's own previous statements about agressors not changing.
Victims of this type of aggression feel that they've been victimized but they can't point to obvious signs of abuse or violation to make it known to others
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